Did my mother know about the abuse in your opinion. Mathew knew because he saw you several times.
She said she suspected on several occasions. Did she discuss this with you or ask if there was "something going on.
if she did not know did she ever discuss with you why I cried so much, why I lied so much and why I was the way I was.
Did you ever talk to her about how much she hit me. Did it scare you that she may knew and that I might talk if she behaved in such a way.
My mother told me that you were violent towards her and held knives to her throat and abused her sexually too. Is this true or is she lying.
Do you think that she hated me pre or post abuse.
Do you think that she was a good mother. If you do can you state how or as you see it on reflection.
Did you pref sex with me or my mother.
Did she blame me or think it was my fault
Do you think I asked for it (I used to be ill so you could come to my room - knowing what you would do) Did you know this.
Why did my mother never take care of me when I was ill. Did you have control over my mother.
Did you ever consider stopping of your own accord.
Were you an alcoholic or did you drink prior to coming to my room
How did you feel when you were abusing me
Did you enjoy it
Did you think it was wrong every time/ some of the time/normal/bad
Did you think it was OK
Did you ever think that it would have been best for you to leave. did you consider leaving or was it just back then not very wrong what you did.
On a scale of 1 - 10 1 being not wrong and 10 very wrong back then where would you have rated what you did - what about my mother - how would she of rated it in your opinion.
There was always so much pornography in the house videos, magazines etc. On reflection would you say that you were you a sex addict and that is how the abuse stemmed to me.
What were your issues with sex and what led you to abuse me.
Was it premeditated - was it something that you thought of as a child. It was only a very short time when you met my mother to the first time you abused me in my grandfathers bedroom.
Was I sexual as a child.
Was I needy and desperate for love or attention.
Did I flirt with you.
What was it about me.
Did you you seek out my mother on purpose knowing that she had a child so you could abuse.
How did you feel before and after you abuse me - give me an example of went on for you mentally and physically.
How often did you discuss the abuse with my mother
Did you both discuss ever think or consider that I may need help. How seriously did you think about the effects it would have on me.
Are you angry with me.
What books have you read about abuse then I will read what you have read.
What did you learn from them.
Have you ever had therapy
do you consider that my father may have been cold because you and my mother were running a dysfunctional house and harbouring a secret that he at the time had no knowledge of
When I left home were you both relieved.
Is there anything that you think I should apologize to you for?
What was life like - My mother said it was like living on egg shells and that both thought I had control of your lives - why was this?
Was your father an abuser. He was a sexual man always touching your mothers inside leg and used to rub me in an inappropriate manor
My mother told me that Penny abused you - is this true. (This was how I was forced to forgive you by my mother because it happened to you)
My therapist is aware we are in touch and she supports me and like all the books say that if you have the courage it is the most healing thing that you can do to confront your abuser and pain. The courage to Heal is the book that I use. This book offers a process and has been read by hundreds of thousands of victims and is rated the no 1 book for healing.
Now that I have contacted you and you said you will continue to answer my questions will you ever be able to put yourself in my shoes and wonder how my life has been affected.
How will I know if you are sorry for what you did to me.
Please note: You are accusing me of lying in my statement. There were so many times that you abused me. Are you aware that when a victim is abused excessively over a prolonged period of time that they can become confused over events and maybe I have and I agree there maybe some confusion. It matters not that I may have been in error about recounting events, yet it is how I saw it from being abused excessively. You also haven't mentioned on your last mail in the points 1 2 and 3 that point 4 would be all the hundreds of events that I didn't included - there were so many the police only had 10 hours to dedicate to taking my statement as they felt my case was sensitive that they did not want to keep making me recount and I felt that it only takes one event of this kind of abuse to ruin a child's life.
Your mails toward me remain extremely harsh, patronizing and very angry. I can only assume you are angry with me and still hold me responsible for "ruining and destroying your life.
Please continue this contact harsh or not I need some answers. I do not need truth on my terms. I have only had myself to make things up as I go along. I have had no nurturing or role models. Ive been abused and mentally affected. Please try to understand that I am trying to get over it and get healthy but for me there is so much that is suppressed that needs to come out and that is why I am asking for your help.
I appreciate that you have contacted me back and hope that you continue to do so.
If you could reply to each answer individually I would appreciate it very much.
You said you would answer my questions. You did not in the last mail as you have decided it is not necessary for me to know. The point in my contacting you is these are the things I want to know. I am not interested in your opinion of how life works for you and your opinion of how I should deal with this. You are right this is about me and what works for me. Otherwise you are just in control. Regardless of how you answer I take it to therapy and the way that you respond only helps me to see how things - you and my mother have shaped and influenced me and how my warped mind over time. Funny really. I am starting to see a bit clearer now.
I am awaiting your answers
No comments:
Post a Comment