Angela,
Again I have taken time to read and think about your reply, as you say the written word cannot always convey the full meaning of what we say, it does however give time for reflection and thought which may at times stop ill considered remarks .
I think that the issue of personal meetings should be put aside, we should agree to disagree for now.
In response to your questions and comments;
I do not need to read about the effects of child abuse, I have already done so at some length.
I see no need to discuss my childhood, this is about you and your childhood experiences not mine. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are simply a product of our childhood and all that goes wrong in adult life can be attributed to it, it does play a large part in molding you as a person but when we are adults we have to make adult decisions, if we make the wrong choices why should our parents be held too blame, if that were the case it undermines the whole concept of adult accountability. How many generations can you take this back, is it a defense to say that because my great grandfather abused my grandmother and my grandmother abused my father and my father abused me (they did not by the way!) that it somehow relieves me of my adult responsibilities or gives me some sort of excuse and that it was all my great grandfathers fault anyway.
Some of your comments seem to have missed a couple of things, the passage of time and the legal restrictions on me. How could I have contacted you to ask how you were, I am expressly forbidden to do so, whilst in prison ALL mail is vetted (both in and out)and victim contact is not permitted, on parole it is an offence which can get you put back behind bars and it is distinctly frowned upon by the police in ‘normal’ life, for you to contact me is OK (so long as I agree and you are not harassing me), but if I had contacted you and you had complained I would have arrested very quickly. That is why as soon as you contacted me I informed the police.
It has been least 10 years since I have had a conversation with you on a ‘normal ‘basis, did you think that you could just reappear and make the demands and threaten as you did . A lot has happened in 10 years, I had hoped that you had moved on as I have, I have never wished you ill, out of all the people involved in this horrible passage of events YOU are the only true innocent person.
Regarding the events at court on trial day, I had instructed my barrister some weeks previously that I was going to plead guilty, I have no idea what happened on the day and how the procedures work at crown court, it was never my intention to put you through any more stress and pain than I already had.
The reason that I waited to plead guilty is twofold. The first reason is simply, I did not want to go to prison, only a fool would wants that.
Secondly and the biggest issue was the statement you made to the police, I read it very , very carefully and it was clear to me that your accusations fell into 3 distinct categories:1 Events that I recognized and was guilty of.2 Events that were untrue 3 Events and places that I did not recognize and was not guilty of but your account seemed to be truthful
From this I could only draw one conclusion and I will leave it to you to work that out, I cannot put words into your mouth.
You do not want any more mails like the last one?, it seems that you want the truth from me but on your terms, I did not instigate this contact, you did, this goes back to adult accountability, you wanted this now you have it, you seem to want to control things if it does not fit your idea of what it should be.I am what I am, either accept it or cut off contact I am far too old to change.
As long as you do not threaten my privacy I will maintain this contact, I will answer your questions as best I can. I hope that my answers help, but please do not expect pity or piety from me, all I can give is honesty.
You mention that you are in therapy, does your therapist know that you have contacted me? is this a course of action that he/she has agreed or suggested?.
You only have one mother and father, yes I was your stepfather but it is a basic trust we carry as adults that we cherish, protect, guide and nurture our children no matter in what capacity we are in, I failed to do this for you, I betrayed your trust and love and lost any rights to be called a father of any description.
I have no influence over your mother or father and I have no interest in them, if they have failed to live up to their responsibilities as parents then shame on them, your father always did seem a particularly cold person and your mum always has had the knack of making decisions in her own best interests. I am afraid however that we are stuck with our parents, we do not choose them and I cannot replace them for you, at some time you will have to come to terms with them.
******
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