Angela
I agree with a great deal of what you say. The more people like you who are willing to speak out against abuse and to tell the world about the horrible reality of it all....the better.
I hope others listen too and you are right to write to MPs etc and give them the facts. Some will already know those facts. Some will have suffered abuse themselves and some, most worryingly, will be perpetrators themselves.
I'm not sure giving 11 year olds condoms is part of the solution, that could play into the hands of abusers but you are quite right. All our children need a firm, objective and non-scary education about the fact that no one has a right to hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable. And every child needs to know that they can tell and that when it comes to serious things there are NO SECRETS!
Well done you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are right behind you.
Very best wishes
Pete
Peter Saunders FRSA Chief Executive
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Thursday, January 31, 2008
From Mr Bryant
Dear Angela
Many thanks indeed for your email. And thank you for having the courage to say what you do. You are quite right and I only wish others had the insight that you have.
Many thanks indeed and the best of luck.
Yours
Chris
Many thanks indeed for your email. And thank you for having the courage to say what you do. You are quite right and I only wish others had the insight that you have.
Many thanks indeed and the best of luck.
Yours
Chris
Letter to many MPS and in Particular Chris Bryant
Dear Mr Bryant
I wish to make an additional comment to an article that I have heard that you are supporting or lobbying for. Please forgive me as I am not very well educated and no good a political etiquette, nor am i that good at writing stuff.
You have said that you want every child to receive a book on their 11th Birthday regarding sexual education and also I believe (night be a bit muddled here) providing condoms - in a bid to reduce teenage pregnancy. This is a major breakthrough and I hope that each child will individually receive 10 -15 minutes at least of counselling regarding this leaflet.
What I would like to add to this - as I want to be able to provide a leaflet too for every child to on their 1st day of school either age 5 or perhaps age 7 (5 maybe to young but possibly too late.) I want to help stamp out child sexual abuse. Every child must know that it is wrong to be touched inappropriately by their carers and they need to have the tools to know that they will not be murdered or silenced or taken away if they tell what’s going on. Each child will have a leaflet go back to their families stating that each child has access to an adult or telephone number and that every adult must know that there is a minimum sentence for abuse even if it is only 1 event - as it makes barely any difference if it happens once or 10,000 times or in my case over 3,000 times. Every year the child should see a school nurse or doctor to discuss if they are aware that child abuse is wrong and children will learn that they have to take better care of themselves at an earlier age and potential abusers face stronger sentences when cases are bought to their attention.
I believe that because 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys are abused it is causing a major dysfunction in society and these children grow up to be dysfunctional adults that don’t CANT care about their own children and these children grow up knot caring about their children. Many teenage pregnancies result from abuse or second generation abuse and more needs to be done to protect children from adults that have no clue how to be good parents that can safely inform their children about the dangers or teenage pregnancies or STD or worse life threatening illnesses transmitted thru sex.
As you may have gathered I am a survivor of 10 years sexual abuse and have had more than 5 abortions because I never as a young adult was shown that I have choices. My perpetrator did go to prison 15 years later for what he did for 18 months,. but I am still paying the price for those lost children and my lost childhood and feel the pain of all other children that suffer at the hands of abuse. The more children that continued to be abused is - one day- another generation of dysfunctional adults. Child abuse in turn is a huge drain on resources. I have not been able to work for 7 years since remembering my abuse. That’s 7 7ears of being on benefits and “living off the state” it takes me one month to save the money now for one session a month of therapy. My recovery is slow. I have no family and am a single parent of a disable child. I am seen once every six weeks by the mental health unit and fortunately for me I am in the system and have access to some help. There are hundreds of thousands out there like me and this message needs to be bought to the children when they are young enough to escape. If someone had of told me when I was 5 that no one was allowed to touch me and have sex with me then just maybe I would of told if I knew then that I would be kept safe.
The leaflet should contain information to the child stating that under no circumstances will they come to any harm if they tell about abuse. They must know it is wrong for adults to use them for sexual reasons and it is not normal to be abused. it is wrong!!! They will be saved from a life of misery and mental health issues and have the chance to grow up and be well adjusted children free of abuse and maybe even those even those who do face abuse at some point if the message is constantly being given out perhaps the right support can intervene and their abusers facing long sentences and then grow up to be sensible teenagers and one day parents with children that they can teach good values to.
I will be sending this email to as many children’s organisations and mps as I can to see if on that “leaflet” for children about sexual education - that at least there is a mention – but hopefully an awful lot more about stamping out abuse.
I wish to make an additional comment to an article that I have heard that you are supporting or lobbying for. Please forgive me as I am not very well educated and no good a political etiquette, nor am i that good at writing stuff.
You have said that you want every child to receive a book on their 11th Birthday regarding sexual education and also I believe (night be a bit muddled here) providing condoms - in a bid to reduce teenage pregnancy. This is a major breakthrough and I hope that each child will individually receive 10 -15 minutes at least of counselling regarding this leaflet.
What I would like to add to this - as I want to be able to provide a leaflet too for every child to on their 1st day of school either age 5 or perhaps age 7 (5 maybe to young but possibly too late.) I want to help stamp out child sexual abuse. Every child must know that it is wrong to be touched inappropriately by their carers and they need to have the tools to know that they will not be murdered or silenced or taken away if they tell what’s going on. Each child will have a leaflet go back to their families stating that each child has access to an adult or telephone number and that every adult must know that there is a minimum sentence for abuse even if it is only 1 event - as it makes barely any difference if it happens once or 10,000 times or in my case over 3,000 times. Every year the child should see a school nurse or doctor to discuss if they are aware that child abuse is wrong and children will learn that they have to take better care of themselves at an earlier age and potential abusers face stronger sentences when cases are bought to their attention.
I believe that because 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys are abused it is causing a major dysfunction in society and these children grow up to be dysfunctional adults that don’t CANT care about their own children and these children grow up knot caring about their children. Many teenage pregnancies result from abuse or second generation abuse and more needs to be done to protect children from adults that have no clue how to be good parents that can safely inform their children about the dangers or teenage pregnancies or STD or worse life threatening illnesses transmitted thru sex.
As you may have gathered I am a survivor of 10 years sexual abuse and have had more than 5 abortions because I never as a young adult was shown that I have choices. My perpetrator did go to prison 15 years later for what he did for 18 months,. but I am still paying the price for those lost children and my lost childhood and feel the pain of all other children that suffer at the hands of abuse. The more children that continued to be abused is - one day- another generation of dysfunctional adults. Child abuse in turn is a huge drain on resources. I have not been able to work for 7 years since remembering my abuse. That’s 7 7ears of being on benefits and “living off the state” it takes me one month to save the money now for one session a month of therapy. My recovery is slow. I have no family and am a single parent of a disable child. I am seen once every six weeks by the mental health unit and fortunately for me I am in the system and have access to some help. There are hundreds of thousands out there like me and this message needs to be bought to the children when they are young enough to escape. If someone had of told me when I was 5 that no one was allowed to touch me and have sex with me then just maybe I would of told if I knew then that I would be kept safe.
The leaflet should contain information to the child stating that under no circumstances will they come to any harm if they tell about abuse. They must know it is wrong for adults to use them for sexual reasons and it is not normal to be abused. it is wrong!!! They will be saved from a life of misery and mental health issues and have the chance to grow up and be well adjusted children free of abuse and maybe even those even those who do face abuse at some point if the message is constantly being given out perhaps the right support can intervene and their abusers facing long sentences and then grow up to be sensible teenagers and one day parents with children that they can teach good values to.
I will be sending this email to as many children’s organisations and mps as I can to see if on that “leaflet” for children about sexual education - that at least there is a mention – but hopefully an awful lot more about stamping out abuse.
Stinking Denial
A few weeks ago I was a home with ****** we were having a bottle wine, listening to music, it was just a few days after New Year. My son and his son had gone to be a few hours earlier and I heard a noise "did you hear that?" He said he didnt and yet I knew I had heard something.. just the kids still awake I thought...better go and check on them I thought. So off I trotted down stairs across the hall and back up the stairs... to find the boys messing around with no many clothes on... doing boys stuff I figured although it was hard for me to deal with situations like that but I did ok - I checked in with them both and they were just "messing" and neither one was co-ercing the other to do things.
When I got back upstairs (the otherside of the house) I sat down, and suddenly my mind turned into thousands of filing cabinets each file flying out of the draw each paiece of paper flying round the room, my head was in a whirl and I started spinning and tears streaming down my face. it was too much, I had to hold it together with every ounze that I could muster and find of togetherness. ......SHE MUST OF KNOWN. She(my mother) to this day has denied knowing about the abuse and I have until two years ago just gone with this "truth" that she offered - in fact not sure that I even quetioned her about it - maybe once or twice - and the response I got a few times were "I did suspect on a few occaisions" which did sort of make me think - well why didnt you do anything - and then just came back to the thoughts - poor mum she had to live with him too - the awful monster, she was propably scared and very unsure, after all its not easy to confront someone and tell them you "suspect" that they are sexually abusing your duaghter! So I would just let it go, see the tears in her eyes, thinking/hoping that they might be tears for me, because I have had such a god awful life!!!! Yet sat there on the sofa the other night with all those filing cabinets spewing every time he every abused me - the thousands of time that he abused me, over 10 F*******g years did she NOT THINK to once go and check on me - did she never hear one noise, not one floor board creak, not footstep on the stairs, the whiskey cabinet opening and closing, NOT ONE SINGLE noise all that time, all those 10 years living in a houses that were cheaply made of plaster board that you can hear someone turning in their bed from the next room. Every event was flying through my head, all the times I would fall out of bed, all the times I would pretend sleep walk, all the times that I would have pretend nightmares.
I wrote a poem months ago about how she did not hear me silently screaming, but for god dam certain she must have hearde the noises, I bloody did. And did she not once ever think to go and check on her own daughter. i heard one noise in my house with thick wall s and two staircases away and I went to check on my child to see if everything was ok and that he was safe.
Of course she must of heard..... It was life the proof that I needed. I stopped talking to her about a year ago becasue I put myself into thereapy and becasue I had always protected my mum and never saw any of this denail - I was a part of it and she kept me in it and she knew so well how to teach me denail. She was an expert. This year i have battled with the loss of my mum in my life becasue she always maintained she never knew. Now with confidence _ I can say "I do not trust what you say"
DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HOUSE? - I DO
When I got back upstairs (the otherside of the house) I sat down, and suddenly my mind turned into thousands of filing cabinets each file flying out of the draw each paiece of paper flying round the room, my head was in a whirl and I started spinning and tears streaming down my face. it was too much, I had to hold it together with every ounze that I could muster and find of togetherness. ......SHE MUST OF KNOWN. She(my mother) to this day has denied knowing about the abuse and I have until two years ago just gone with this "truth" that she offered - in fact not sure that I even quetioned her about it - maybe once or twice - and the response I got a few times were "I did suspect on a few occaisions" which did sort of make me think - well why didnt you do anything - and then just came back to the thoughts - poor mum she had to live with him too - the awful monster, she was propably scared and very unsure, after all its not easy to confront someone and tell them you "suspect" that they are sexually abusing your duaghter! So I would just let it go, see the tears in her eyes, thinking/hoping that they might be tears for me, because I have had such a god awful life!!!! Yet sat there on the sofa the other night with all those filing cabinets spewing every time he every abused me - the thousands of time that he abused me, over 10 F*******g years did she NOT THINK to once go and check on me - did she never hear one noise, not one floor board creak, not footstep on the stairs, the whiskey cabinet opening and closing, NOT ONE SINGLE noise all that time, all those 10 years living in a houses that were cheaply made of plaster board that you can hear someone turning in their bed from the next room. Every event was flying through my head, all the times I would fall out of bed, all the times I would pretend sleep walk, all the times that I would have pretend nightmares.
I wrote a poem months ago about how she did not hear me silently screaming, but for god dam certain she must have hearde the noises, I bloody did. And did she not once ever think to go and check on her own daughter. i heard one noise in my house with thick wall s and two staircases away and I went to check on my child to see if everything was ok and that he was safe.
Of course she must of heard..... It was life the proof that I needed. I stopped talking to her about a year ago becasue I put myself into thereapy and becasue I had always protected my mum and never saw any of this denail - I was a part of it and she kept me in it and she knew so well how to teach me denail. She was an expert. This year i have battled with the loss of my mum in my life becasue she always maintained she never knew. Now with confidence _ I can say "I do not trust what you say"
DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HOUSE? - I DO
Mother
You Chose Your way
It was your Choice
To give birth
And give me Life
It was your choice
To run & hide
Not to nurture nor to guide
It was your choice
You made your bed
You left me so unloved
Into the hands of a monster
He mauled my flesh
My face full of mess
Into the hands of a monster
You left me alone
Did you hear him moan?
Into the hands of a monster
Who stole my soul?
Did you hear me howl?
In the darkness of night
Eyes shut, legs spread
Don’t breathe pretend to be dead
In the darkness of night
You leave me to him
Dying I give in!
In the darkness of night
My world full of fear
A child is crying – CAN’T YOU HEAR
It was your choice
You pathetic, useless witch
You’re not a mother you are a Bitch
It was your choice
You let him stay
My punishment to pay
It was your choice
YOU HAD A CHOICE
Now I have a voice
It’s my time
You always lie
Whinge and cry
It’s my time
I don’t want to see you
I don’t love you
It’s my time
Mother & daughter
I don’t think so!
It was your Choice
To give birth
And give me Life
It was your choice
To run & hide
Not to nurture nor to guide
It was your choice
You made your bed
You left me so unloved
Into the hands of a monster
He mauled my flesh
My face full of mess
Into the hands of a monster
You left me alone
Did you hear him moan?
Into the hands of a monster
Who stole my soul?
Did you hear me howl?
In the darkness of night
Eyes shut, legs spread
Don’t breathe pretend to be dead
In the darkness of night
You leave me to him
Dying I give in!
In the darkness of night
My world full of fear
A child is crying – CAN’T YOU HEAR
It was your choice
You pathetic, useless witch
You’re not a mother you are a Bitch
It was your choice
You let him stay
My punishment to pay
It was your choice
YOU HAD A CHOICE
Now I have a voice
It’s my time
You always lie
Whinge and cry
It’s my time
I don’t want to see you
I don’t love you
It’s my time
Mother & daughter
I don’t think so!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Death of the Fantasy - My perfect family.
Thank you for all your correspondance. I have decided that there is no further need for me to contact you. I hope that if i did have any further questions you would still respond although I do not expect it.
I have a much clearer picture of how I need to progress in my recovery and I do not think that you are able to provide me with that.
I was genuinely hoping from our contact that you would be kind and gentle with me - however I have spent my entire life living a fantasy of a perfect family and kind and gentle you were not. I thank you for your bluntness and time that took to consider my request and many things you said were true and have helped, and believe it or not I have had a looked and evaluated how I can be and will make even more effort now to challenge the behaviour that causes me to be stuck.
I did want to able to meet with you, and to be in your company having forgiven myself and just be able to talk to you adult to adult and just to be able to discuss and literally chat about what happened what happened with no blame and to find some answers that way - and hopefully understand more why I behave the way that I do. It would of helped, but I know that you do not agree so it wont happen. Its a shame because that could of been a message to so many people that abuse may be damaging but there are ways you can deal with it and in a healthy way and i feel that I would of been able to give back some way to world about a bad experience that turned to a good experience and that there is hope where there has been such dysfunction and despair.
If you ever feel you want to contact me or talk to me in the future I have no objection. I will remain on FR until my membership expires. I have only just renewed a membership that lasts for a year and then I will sign out permanently.
I wish you well.
Regards
Angela
I have a much clearer picture of how I need to progress in my recovery and I do not think that you are able to provide me with that.
I was genuinely hoping from our contact that you would be kind and gentle with me - however I have spent my entire life living a fantasy of a perfect family and kind and gentle you were not. I thank you for your bluntness and time that took to consider my request and many things you said were true and have helped, and believe it or not I have had a looked and evaluated how I can be and will make even more effort now to challenge the behaviour that causes me to be stuck.
I did want to able to meet with you, and to be in your company having forgiven myself and just be able to talk to you adult to adult and just to be able to discuss and literally chat about what happened what happened with no blame and to find some answers that way - and hopefully understand more why I behave the way that I do. It would of helped, but I know that you do not agree so it wont happen. Its a shame because that could of been a message to so many people that abuse may be damaging but there are ways you can deal with it and in a healthy way and i feel that I would of been able to give back some way to world about a bad experience that turned to a good experience and that there is hope where there has been such dysfunction and despair.
If you ever feel you want to contact me or talk to me in the future I have no objection. I will remain on FR until my membership expires. I have only just renewed a membership that lasts for a year and then I will sign out permanently.
I wish you well.
Regards
Angela
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